Chats (for you) – Episode 45, James Acaster 2: James Acaster-er

acaster-2

James, James, and a toy sheep (probably also named James at this rate)

In this 45th episode of Chats (for you) with James Walker, James Acaster makes a return visit to the podcast. After a hiatus of around a year and a half, this podcast is back! With new music to accompany it, crafted exclusively for the podcast by Adam from incredible band, The Spook School.

Please do share it around if you enjoy. Thanks! Listen below:

(iTunes here. RSS here.)

Some links here for link fans:

Tickets for his Trelogy shows – jamesacaster.com/gigs

Sweet Home series – Youtube

Luna Dott Raids The Bee Pigeon – Bandcamp

Acaster on twitter: @JamesAcaster, Chats (for you) on twitter: @chatsforyou, The Spook School on twitter: @spookschool

To check out more music from The Spook School – thespookschool.com

Our previous chat – two years earlier – can be found here

Our 3rd chat – a year after this one took place – can be found here

And below you will find the full playlist that Acaster starts to recount in the podcast.

Continue reading

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Famous Lemons!

lemon pic

by James Walker

So this started as a trick. I was trying to generate more traffic for the site (if you’re reading this, I’ve been a very clever boy and done exactly that) so I posted this on the Imminent Joy twitter account: lemon tweet 1 I didn’t know, or have any info on who out of hollywood was the best at eating lemons, but it’s just a thing I thought might get people clicking. I’d certainly want to know if I seen that on my timeline. But then the account lost a follower. lemon tweet 2 I can only apologise to that person. I’m upset by my own behaviour, and I’m sorry that I played with you like that. So sorry in fact, that here, right now, I’m going to try and make it up to you.

Now when you google ‘celebrities eating lemons’ you’d be surprised to find that there aren’t really any pictures of the rich and powerful eating the lemony things. There’s a picture of Ben Affleck eating something, but it’s not a lemon. If it is a lemon, it’s a weird showbiz lemon that he’s had his assistant get/make for him. This is probably because it’s quite an odd thing to eat when you’re just out and about. I’ve never heard anyone say ‘I just had a lemon on the way over here’. Though that may very well be more to do with the people I’m friends with more than anything else. Also, I don’t think many celebrities eat lemons because the weird faces you make when eating a lemon might cause their botox to break.

When I googled ‘eating lemons’, most results were babies crying whilst eating lemons. I assume this is due to having just eaten a bit of lemon, not them crying at the prospect of having to eat a lemon. It’s a bright yellow thing. They look like they’d be amazing to eat. And I’ve no idea if any of these babies are famous, celebrity babies. Most of the pictures are of quite a low quality though, so probably not. You’d assume that film stars, music stars etc, would be able to afford a high-quality camera or two, for their ‘taking a picture of our daughter/son eating a lemon’ needs.  I’m sure those are needs that parents have.

I’ve went through quite a few ‘eating lemons’ pictures now, and they’re all just babies and some random, non-important people. I’ll try ‘film lemons’. The result won’t necessarily be people genuinely enjoying a lemon, but actors pretending to enjoy one, and at this stage, I think that’s going to be the best I can do. It’s mainly pictures of Keith Lemon in his film. I’ve seen that film, and though it does contain many a lemon, I don’t know if he actually eats one in it. And Keith is in no way an A-List celebrity. But if he becomes one, and publicly eats a lemon, I’ll happily update this.

I’m not quite sure what to do. I think I’m clearly going to have to persuade Pitt, or Jolie, or one of the other ones to eat a lemon, in front of everyone. And although I doubt it would damage their reputation, they’re very busy, and I highly doubt my ‘eat a lemon, mate’ emails to their agents are going to amount to anything (no matter how charming I was, or how many pictures of me eating lemons I included; just so they know what I’m on about.)

So. I’m afraid I let you down, random person on twitter. You can see I tried, but unfortunately, have been unable to deliver. If anyone reading can help me out, and knows a little hidden celebrity lemon site, do send a tweet to @imminentjoyHQ and we can finally sort this whole thing out. And obviously, if you happen to be an A-list celebrity, firstly, let me know that you’re a fan, I’d like that, but also if you could send me a picture of you eating lemon, that’d be great. You could just make sure you’re eating one every time some paparazzi are around; they’ll get a snap of it, surely. That’s all I’m asking. Just that you eat a lemon every single time you leave the house, on the off chance that a paparazzo will take a picture, and then upload it somewhere titled ‘celebrity eating a lemon’, so that I can then update this post. That’s all.

First Impressions

by James Walker

Hello there. So, this might be your first time visiting this site. Thank you very much for doing so. What do you think? Do you like it? It’s a bit plain, isn’t it? Could be a bit better? Yeah, agreed, totally. I’m currently unemployed, and to make this thing look any better, I have to ‘pay’ some ‘money’. It’s about $30 to pick a better font, and make the place look a bit nicer. I really hope none of you have a deep-seated hatred for whatever font this is. I don’t know how that would happen, maybe Helvetica slept with your mum or something (if your dad is Helvetica, then that was completely natural, and shouldn’t have annoyed you.) You’re more than welcome to give me the money to change the font, and I definitely won’t put said money towards purchasing non-font things.

Making a good first impression can be tricky. Did you know that? Well, yes, it can be, can’t it? Glad we’re agreed on that. I thought I was quite good at it. I thought, after being alive for a bit (21 years) that I’d almost mastered the art of meeting new people, greeting, getting to talk to this person for the first time. But last night, I was meeting a guy, asked his name, he said ‘David’ and then asked my name, to which I also said ‘David’. My name is not David. I then had to admit that I’d just ‘panicked in the moment’ and apologise. I shouldn’t be panicking there. If David was a mugger, then yeah, that’s fine, panicking is allowed (expected, even) but I am almost certain David was not a mugger (kind eyes.) That being said, I don’t know where my good pen is. It’s made me lose confidence, I’ve spent most of today studying up on my first name. Really nailing it in to the noggin’ (note: not enough people use noggin’ these days, see about getting that changed.)

It’s ‘James’.

I do hope you like this place. I’ve spent a couple of months, and some money on it. If you’re going to be a dick about the font (I’m assuming that any problem you have will be due to the style/size of the font, and not any of the content itself) then you’re more than welcome to hire someone to write out all of the website by hand. As long as you credit it. Sorry, I’m getting wound up about this before it’s even happened. That happens a lot too. I’ll think ‘I hope no one talks to me about bread today’, a friend will say ‘did you hear there’s this new bread..?’ and I’ll go off on one, as they say. ‘Shut up about the bread, mate!’ (my friends very rarely chat about bread, this is just an example. Though I am a bit intrigued as to what this ‘new bread’ is. I made it up, so I guess it can be anything. Okay then, barbecue bread. That’s what it is. It’s shit.)

Please tell all of your friends about the site. Even if you’ve not spoken for a while, and have parted ways. ‘I know we’ve not really talked for a while, and I’m sorry I shot your dog, but there’s this website full of people who think they’re funny sharing things, and I think we should meet up and read it together.’

PS. I’ve just searched google for ‘barbecue bread’ and apparently it’s already a thing, and there is a recipe by Mark. Not sure how new it is, though. Ask the ‘Mark’ guy. And check out his font. I bet you love him, don’t you? Mark, with his nice font and new bread. Disgusting.